Everyday Extraordinary: Kalina Silverman

We sat down with Kalina Silverman, founder of Big Talk, to learn the power of skipping small talk and connecting with strangers. To see Big Talk in action, watch her interviews on Instagram.

Big Talk is many things, but at its core it’s a global movement encouraging people to skip the small talk and make more meaningful connections. It began as a video series where I would walk up to strangers and skip small talk with them. Now, it also includes a card game of Big Talk questions, an app, and an event series. 

I started Big Talk during a time when I was really struggling with finding meaningful connections in my own life. I had moved to a new city for the first time, and even though I was meeting a lot of people through various activities and organizations, I couldn’t shake the feeling that a lot of my interactions were superficial. Even though I was surrounded by people, there'd be times where I'd go back to my room at the end of the night and just feel this kind of sense of emptiness. One night I was having a deep conversation with a friend, and I realized I wished more conversations could be like this. And he said, “Yeah, screw small talk!”

That's where I got the idea for the name Big Talk. And then I decided to try an experiment where I made Big Talk in my own life by walking up to people and filming our conversation. I asked people what they wanted to do before they died. It didn't matter if I was talking to someone experiencing homelessness on the street or an elderly woman or a teenager — everyone had really profound answers. 

It's really easy to judge someone based on how they look from the outside, but after talking to people from all walks of life — whether it's veterans struggling with PTSD, wealthy business people in a big city, or people in a rural area — everyone wants to be loved. Everyone struggles. Everyone has had issues in their own families or their own lives. Everyone has dreams, some of them unfulfilled. All humans are essentially the same. We just kind of have different padding on the outside that makes us seem different from one another.

I think people are fundamentally afraid of being judged. They kind of go into fight or flight mode because everyone wants to be accepted by society. But, numerous studies and experiences show that the more vulnerable you are, the more people will feel connected with you and want to open up with you as well. And that's when you can really create those special bonds and actually become more connected in a part of society. 

One life lesson I would want other people to know and take away from all this is to choose people first. I think it's really easy these days to prioritize this success and outward appearance to others. Even my best experiences with Big Talk have not been because I was pursuing some business objective, but because I made a deep, genuine connection with someone. So always choose people, relationships, and love first.