Everyday Extraordinary: Cairn Atkinson

My name is Cairn Atkinson, and I’m a limb difference and disability advocate and model. My passion in life is to represent my community in films, modeling, and photography. 

In 2018, I underwent a hemipelvectomy, which means I don’t have part of my pelvis and my entire leg. There are a number of reasons you might require this kind of procedure, but in my case, it was caused by epithelioid sarcoma, a very rare form of cancer. My doctor said you’re more likely to get hit by lightning twice. It’s also very hard to treat; the chemo that I’m on now has a 20-40% chance that it will work, and thankfully it’s working.

Though I was grateful for my life-saving surgery, I began to feel self conscious about having just one leg. I figured if I wore unique things, it would make me feel better about people looking at me. I dove deep into wearing vintage dresses and outfits and began getting dolled up, and it actually did boost my confidence. 

As I began sourcing vintage clothing around Los Angeles, I started meeting people in the vintage community and doing photoshoots, getting involved in pinup pageants, and going to dance halls. That’s when I decided to become an actress and model.

I used to be a CNA and take care of the elderly, and when I got my diagnosis, I knew I would have to give that up. My purpose in life is to help people, and I did have a lot of sad and scary thoughts about not being able to do that anymore. Becoming a limb difference and disability advocate through the platform of acting and modeling has given me a new avenue through which I can help other people, and I’m extremely grateful for that. 

Before my diagnosis, I had had some experiences with cancer through family members and pets, but I wasn’t aware of the struggles people with disabilities and limb differences face on a daily basis. Disabilities can impact accessibility, transportation, insurance, care, and so much more. It can be a fight just to be treated with dignity and to get your basic needs met. I would really like to see things change in the future for anyone with medical issues so people can get what they need to survive, and heal, and thrive. 

One thing I wish people knew is that people with disabilities want to be seen as more than their disability. I’ve had people come up to me and congratulate me for doing normal things like grocery shopping. I know their intention is good, but it makes me feel like they can’t see the human behind the medical condition. Everyone wants to be acknowledged, but they don’t want to be called out. The best thing you can do is to treat disabled people like you would anybody else.

I’ve always been a positive person. However, when you’re a positive person, there’s a lot of pressure to stay that way. Even though I’m optimistic and use humor to navigate the traumatic moments, I do think it’s healthy to realize that even if you have moments where you’re sad, or angry, or confused, it doesn’t mean that you’re no longer a positive person. You’re just going through emotions, and that’s valid and normal.

Community has made such a positive impact on my healing journey. If you have at least one person who can empathize with your situation from a place of knowing, it makes all the difference. I have a few girlfriends with the same amputation, and we can get together and gripe, and cry together over similar struggles. It’s a beautiful thing nowadays to be able to search the Internet and find people who are going through similar experiences. Community is so validating, and it makes you feel seen and heard. I think I would be less motivated and positive if I didn’t have that in my corner. 

If you’re someone facing a difficult medical diagnosis, my advice would be to give yourself grace, celebrate even the small victories, and know that it’s ok to not always be happy. There is always a positive life to be lived, and you’re still going to have a fulfilling life, regardless of your ailments or your differences.